Holiday Season Opening

This week rolls out our second holiday season without our precious Lydia. I can’t believe that she would be big enough this year to eat Thanksgiving turkey, or maybe rather throw it across the room and laugh. Maybe mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese would be her favorite, they were always mine. She would be walking and talking some, she would've been 18 1/2 months old for Thanksgiving this year.

I think that this Christmas would’ve been the most fun of all the Christmas’ with her. She would've been 19 1/2 months by then. The purity of the joy of a child as they are able to open those first Christmas gifts is priceless. There is no disappointment at this age in not getting exactly what they asked of Santa Claus and there would be no sibling rivalry to distract from the joy of giving. There would simply be giant smiles and lots of hugs and kisses for the joy of Christmas morn. The wrapping paper would be the best gift of all in her eyes and I would want nothing else, but to see her smile.

I can envision us getting ready for the Christmas church service with Lydia in her floofy red and white Christmas dress. All lacy and frilly. Maybe even the kind with the jingle bells sewn to the petticoat, those always make me smile. Her frilly socks with the lace around the edges and black patent shoes. And a little red bow in her baby soft, fine hair. Everyone would stop us to say how adorable and beautiful she looked and she would know it because her daddy would always be doting on her so. This means that Christmas service will be hard to attend, because there will be a beautiful baby girl, about Lydia's age, dressed just as I envisioned, but that child will not fill the emptiness of my arms.

Instead, of all these hopes and dreams, there is an empty place at the table next to her 11 month old cousin, Cole. He'll never know the difference, he will get all the attention, but there is heartbreak for us adults knowing that he should have a playmate, other than Elwood and Delta, the dogs of the family. I’m sure Lydia and Cole would be all into things together and a handful to keep up with, but a joy all the same. The clamor of favorite toys making all their melodious noises will be missing once Cole is gone. The coos and giggles and clapping hands will also leave with him. Leaving the house still silent in comparison to the noise of a house with a child.

People wonder, do we have joy now. Of course we do. But there will always be a hole where Lydia would've been. Anyone who believes otherwise is sadly mistaken. Do we know that we will hold her again? Absolutely! But being certain of eternity doesn't take away the pain of this world, it just gives us a way to embrace it and move toward that day where there will be no more crying and no more tears. Even so, Lord, come quickly!