Pregnancy: The last few weeks

The last few weeks leading up to the birth of Lydia are a blur to me. I felt like a whale! I had severe pre-eclampsia and the swelling was unbearable. I didn’t recognize myself when I looked in the mirror. I was on bedrest for five weeks before she was born due to the swelling. I couldn’t sit at my desk at work and I had carpal tunnel that prevented me from working on my computer or writing. I wasn’t on strict bedrest, fortunately, though I did very little in my time at home. I watched reruns of Beverly Hills 90210 and 7th Heaven and took a lot of naps. That was about the extent of my activity. Anything more than that was exhausting and painful. Standing for longer than a couple of minutes would send pain up and down my legs because of the swelling. Lydia’s measurements on the sonogram were more than two weeks ahead of her age. She was going to be a big girl. Then on top of that I had a lot of amniotic fluid. The weight of her and all of the amniotic fluid was alone enough to make me miserable.

But in spite of all the difficulties, we greatly anticipated her arrival. I loved the connection that she and I had, though it all seemed surreal. We loved to see her on the sonogram! I don’t think that we had a sonogram where Jonathon didn’t cry. It was so sweet to see him already enamored by the little girl inside of me. The sonographer told us that she was pretty and that she had hair! I was surprised she could tell from the sonogram. It was just the regular sonogram, not the 3D or 4D where you can see a lot of detail. I have to say that I was so relieved that she was pretty. Like most mothers, I had an extreme fear of having an ugly baby. I know everyone says that you never think that your baby is ugly, but I was so scared. Another thing that the sonographer pointed out was that she had big feet. She did. Just like her Daddy!

The doctor assured me that both Lydia and I were doing well, though I was under close observation. We were having a Non-Stress Test weekly and Lydia looked great on the monitor every time we went in! Her heart rate was keeping a solid baseline and she was remaining active in spite of her limited space. I loved that the nurse would set up the monitor for her heartbeat and then Lydia would turn away making the monitor all staticy. I loved feeling her move inside me. I think it was the only thing that kept me going. I was so miserable, but feeling her move and hearing her heartbeat made all the trouble fade into the background. The doctor did express concern that she might be too big for a vaginal delivery, but that we would try before we decided for a c-section.

It is these precious memories that I will hold onto. There was no indication that anything was wrong prior to her birth and we looked forward to getting to know her. I did have a lot of fear about knowing what to do to care for her. But at this point, I have no doubt that I will be able to know the needs of my child and meet them. I held my only child as she drew her last breath. I have no doubt that I can handle anything that parenting throws my way!